Letters From The Readers: April 16, 2010
That's right: it's our monthly celebration of the millions of people who send us letters. Out of those, only a few ever get printed, because most people, when faced with writing something the internet,...
View ArticleEnduring Vision Not Dead Yet, Say Concerned Scientists, World Leaders
Although it's been over a month since The Enduring Vision, a website most experts consider "the biggest threat humanity has ever faced", last updated, concern is growing that the site may actually...
View Article'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' Headed For Repeal; Social Conservatives Have Angry...
Outraged social conservatives, protesting the possibility of homosexuals being allowed to serve in the U.S. Army while being openly gay, marked this year's Memorial Day by staging hundreds of...
View ArticleMusician Struggles To Explain 5/4 Time Signature To Girlfriend
Evan Dolmer, bassist for local avant-jazz band Unexpected Corn, expressed frustration and confusion after attempting fruitlessly to explain to girlfriend Gina Wagner the significance of the 5/4 time...
View ArticleLetters From The Readers: June 3, 2010
We once promised to answer your letters in a more timely manner. That was obviously a lie, or more accurately, a "trick promise", designed to see if you trust us. From now on, we will definitely answer...
View ArticleWhy Do People Keep Buying Things That I Don't Like?
Okay, I've made at least 675 tweets about this in the last 72 hours, but apparently, some of you people just aren't getting me. FAIL. So let's go over this one more time: everyone needs to stop...
View ArticleWitness The Nonsense: 79 Editions Of 'Yahoo User Movie Reviews' Now Back Online
For your scientific study, we present the best of the worst user movie reviews from Yahoo.com. Over 75 editions, now with added witty commentary!
View ArticleObama's Temper Finally Broken By Daughter's Glass Of Spilled Juice
Sources inside the White House say that President Barack Obama, infamous for his cool temper, finally "flipped out" yesterday when his eight-year-old daughter Sasha spilled a glass of grape juice all...
View ArticleArea Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise
After spending over ten consecutive hours sitting on the couch today, local man Jim Richardson decided to walk over 300 feet (round-trip) to his mailbox, burning over nine calories and fulfilling his...
View ArticleBP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero
As President Obama prepares to address the nation about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, spill perpetrator BP is trying to emphasize the disaster's positive aspects -- namely, that it...
View ArticleU.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan
U.S. and Afghan officials claim to have discovered more than $1,000 trillion in untapped unobtainium deposits in Afghanistan, far beyond any previously known reserves and enough to fundamentally alter...
View ArticleYour Letters Answered: June 17, 2010
Another letters update? That makes two in one month! What the hell is this, some kind of operational website? Top scientists are working on the answer. We are paying them with the money from our...
View ArticleThe Enduring Vision: A Video Documentary
Take a journey deep into the headquarters of the world's oldest and best website. Warning: may be hilarious!
View ArticleAnti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd
Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), the longest serving member of Congress, became the most recent casualty of an increasingly tumultuous election year when he died this morning.
View ArticleLeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For...
In a move that has stunned Cleveland fans, but surprised very few sportswriters, NBA free agent LeBron James announced tonight that he will not return to the Cleveland Cavaliers, choosing instead to...
View ArticleArea Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers
Local man Allen Withrow became the subject of ridicule and the focus of extreme anger this past Friday, when he used a non-cellular fee-based public telephone device -- or "pay phone" -- to make a...
View ArticleConservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get...
In a letter to the Obama administration published today, naturalists and conservationists expressed a growing concern that chronic reduction of the nation's parks and open spaces is limiting the safe...
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